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Kill Me, Heal Me

There’s this Korean drama that I watched back in junior high school. It revolves around one guy who struggled with Dissociative Identity Disorder or some might call it multiple personality disorder. At that time I was really into psychology and the like which might’ve been the reason why I chose to watch it.

But before this turns into a series review, I must say what urged me to write this in the first place. Part of my 2022 plans was to participate in our prayer and fasting at church ’cause I didn’t get to do it well last year. I have this habit of reading my previous devotions before I start with a new one for the day and I found myself pondering about one of the verses in the book of Ephesians. Again. I don’t think it’s far-fetched to say that I’m drawn to the passages of that book. Some of my blog entries in the past had verses from that book. It was Ephesians 4:22 this time that caught my attention.

to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires,

Ephesians 4:22 ESV

To me, putting off your old self sounds as if you’re ending the old you. And that reminded me of the moment I met God in my life. It’s a challenge trying to get rid of your former self as you try to take on a fresh, new, forgiven, and definite identity. I played a lot of ‘personalities’ in my younger days. I can recall my edgy wanna-be-cool girl era or the no-one-better-than-me moments of the past. But I’ve thrown those away. Like what I’m doing now with what’s left of my former self.

Now I know what you’re thinking. What does this life sentiment have to do with the drama I mentioned at the start. Well, I kind of see myself as the main character who was able to treat his disorder. If I remember correctly, he needed to accept the fact that his other selves would only harm him and the people around him in the long run if he didn’t try to overcome his traumas. In a sense, he had to stick to his real identity and put off his other selves who were making him struggle and stumble. He then found healing afterwards. I found that we shared, not the exact same experience, but a similar one. When I found my identity in Christ, I also had to let go of the roles I played in the past. I guess it’s part of what happens when you join the new creation gang.

It’s ironic how you’d have to kill yourself to heal yourself. But that’s what really went down in the drama that I associated with my own experience. No wonder they called it Kill Me, Heal Me.


Published by R. K.

A youth trying to understand life

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