The clock ticks as time passes by
My mind has been itching to write about how life has been lately
But just when I’m about to scribble my thoughts, my pen withdraws at the last second
Was I too tired to write?
Did I run out of words to use?
Why am I being like this?
I ask myself these questions as if I don’t already know the answer
My mind wants to write but my heart refuses to move
A part of me wants to let go while the other is still holding on
Because deep inside I know that once I’ve written about it, there really is no going back
So I’m letting the clock tick one more time
Until I can write about the love that we had as it went by
UNBOTHERED
My mind rushes
To overthink something that hasn’t happened yet
It jumps from one thought to another
Should I stay unbothered?
My eyes get teary
At the mention of your name
It’s one question after another
How do I stay unbothered?
My chest hurts
To ask, to speak, to know
It wants clarity one way or another
Is it right to stay unbothered?
22
I gave away 22 planners to different people for my 22nd birthday.
It has been a long tradition to celebrate my even-numbered birthdays by giving back to the community. The recent ones I did were sponsoring the community pantry of my school during the pandemic and feeding street dwellers back in 2023. This year, I got a little too busy and broke to proceed with the original plan of feeding stray animals. But a cheerful giving heart from the Lord should never lose to a tight budget.
The thought process that went through this alternative plan came in the form of pacing back and forth for half an hour at Papemelroti. I’ve chosen this local brand for three reasons:
- They support organizations that provide wigs for children who lose their hair due to medical conditions.
- They offer eco-friendly and recyclable products.
- They provide an avenue for local artisans to showcase their talents, promoting Filipino skills and culture.
It’s the seemingly small details like these that make a positive impact in society. I’m delighted to patronize this brand. Imagine my joy when I saw that they had a sale for mini planners! Grabbing 22 pieces from the rack, I solidified the reason why I’ll be giving away planners in the middle of the year.
Some of us have barely survived the first half of 2025. We’ve had cancelled and altered plans left and right. Others might’ve already given up planning before the year even started. Despite all of these realities, I see the blessing of having six more months to make 2025 heartwarmingly remarkable. Here’s me hoping that the 22 people who’ll grab their own copy today will fill each page with life changing plans for someday.
I hope they realize that it’s never too late to make this year count. One blessed day at a time.
触れる
If I want to feel the comfort of a freshly brewed tea
Or the caress of the waves at sea
There’s not a need to go to any place
For all it takes is your embrace
It was a Monday afternoon
Catching up in your room
To the news you have yet to share with me then
Heavy was the dealing
Humbled you’ve been feeling
The peace we’ve been needing had been a hug, it was the key
I’ve always loved the rain
And the idea of getting cozy with a good book
But I think I’d love the downpour more
If I’m with you, cuddled up in our little nook
On a Saturday night
In front of the light
You wrapped me in your arms gently
In front of everyone
I know that I will and definitely can
Cherish you more and more, endlessly
I’m the clingy type who won’t hesitate to give people a hug
So my love, keep holding me
Gently, lovingly, to infinity and beyond
Friday night was the first time in a while
That you held my hand
So earnestly, longingly
I will never forget your stubble
Or your warmth being so subtle
Above all, I will remember the soft kiss you delicately planted
On my fingers
So earnestly, lovingly
Heart Check #3 – Set Things Free
Heart checklist is a series of realizations and experiences I got from loving the people I love.
I had to break up with someone last year. It’s been a couple of months already, but I still find myself wondering sometimes. What would this year be like for us if the one before didn’t happen the way it did?
My heart has yet to be broken by a man. I have no experience with boys breaking my heart, and I don’t think I will ever have one knowing that I have a secure man in my life already. What I have plenty of are friendship heartbreaks.
I know myself to be someone who values her worth enough to not beg. That principle got tested when two of our dearest friends in UNO decided to distance themselves from the rest of the gang. One of them came to her senses and came back eventually. But the other? The other one made me lower my pride and beg for things to go back the way they were. For context, I have no part in the little misunderstanding that sparked the conflict. But I felt convicted to apologize and try to mend what’s been broken.
This whole drama started last year and kind of ended last year (considering how the person has chosen to confide with the other group in our class). However, it is only now that I’m learning to set things free.
A part of me was holding onto the thought of fixing the friendship. I don’t have enemies, and I intend to keep it that way. But sometimes, people come into our lives without the purpose of staying. Some of the people that we get fond of are only there to help us realize a thing or two about living. Then, they’d have to go their own way and leave.
Let them.
The more that we cling to what we want to happen in life, the more that we rob the Lord for the better plans He has in store for us. So if there’s anything or anyone blocking your way to move on to the future, do yourself a favor and set things free.
Minahal Kita, Hindi Sa Unang Tingin
Akala ko minahal kita sa unang tingin
Pero hindi—minahal kita sa bawat sandali
Kung paano ka tumawa ‘pag tayo lang dalawa
Sa lambing mo noong ikatlong pagkikita
Sa apat na beses kang nangamusta
Sa kabaitan mo noong ikalimang bisita
Sa pungay ng iyong mata
Tuwing ika-anim ng umaga
At sa ika-pitong pagkakataon
Alam kong ako’y mahuhulog muli
Dahil minahal kita
Hindi lang sa unang tingin
Hug Me Right
I love hugs
All kinds of them
But out of all the different ways to embrace someone
I like it best when people hug me with both hands
The type of hug that puts you at ease, protected in peace
The type of hug that takes away a heavy day
It must be nice
If you’d wrap your arms around me like that
Firmly, not too tight
It would be nice
If you’d hug me right
Heart Check #2 – It Won’t Always Be You
Heart checklist is a series of realizations and experiences I got from loving the people I love.
One thing about me, I love deeply. Deep like the ocean. I marvel at the depth of people that hide in the shadows. The unknown of your being that I have yet to discover, I treasure it already. Believe me. There are times that I’d be willing to do whatever I can to make someone smile. I want to be of help.
But recently, I’m beginning to learn that it won’t always be you. As much as you’re willing to offer an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, or a hand that can help, it won’t always be you.
Sometimes, people need to hear the right words from someone else. The help they need can only be satisfied by a more appropriate person.
And that’s okay! It doesn’t make you any less of a good friend. It doesn’t make you any less of a caring lover. Accepting the fact that you won’t always have the solution will humble you and widen your perspective.
I remember the thoughts that kept bothering me the night before I wrote this entry. I was worried for someone close to my heart. I’ve caught a glimpse of how life is for him lately. And when you care for someone like I care for this person, you’d wanna help them find the answers to their questions, the solution to their problem.
Thing is, I find it quite hard to do that because I didn’t experience the things he went through and is going through. And I’ve come to learn his habit of not immediately saying what’s wrong. These two factors leave me unsure of what approach to take that won’t invalidate what he feels. So, instead of pressuring and doing things my own usual way, I did what I know is best for both of us.
I prayed.
I asked God to send people who could help him get through his struggle. I prayed that He uses someone to send across the message he needs to hear. Whether that’d be me or somebody else didn’t matter anymore. As long as the movement comes from God, that’s the best that could happen.
The best way to help someone, when you have no idea how, is to pray for them.
And God never disappoints. I’m glad to see Him answer my prayer after hearing good news from the person I care about. He’ll be okay. God’s got him.
Now, I’m relieved. I’m happy to realize all these cause I know I’m gonna need it in the future. It’s true. We don’t always have the answer. Only God does.
Heart Check #1 – Not Always Fun
Heart checklist is a series of realizations and experiences I got from loving the people I love.
This first lesson goes to this generation and the next. Romanticising love feels nice, but don’t fool yourself into thinking that love will always be fun. You’ll only be setting up disappointments with that mindset.
I’m reminded of this when days make it difficult to smile at the person I love. A lot of factors can trigger this state of mine. One particular reason is when the expectation of receiving a sense of companionship isn’t met. You see, life as it is can be pretty draining. One of the few ways I try to cope with it is to share a moment with people I care about.
But the people you care about won’t always be at their best state. Life happens to them, too.
Good thing I grew up with a core that knows how not to depend on others too much. Sure, it does hurt at first when your needs aren’t being satisfied, but I learned at a young age not to burden people with what I want.
Loving people, broken people, is learning to set aside fun and just be there to live life with them. To see things from their perspective. To understand them even better.
Dear Future Me
I started journaling again. It’s been a while since my last entry. Something about this feels so therapeutic. Like when I started cleaning my room again after sometime.
As I look back to these blank pages from days I didn’t have the time to write down how my day went, I thought, “This has to stop.” My inconsistencies, they have to stop. Before they stop me from feeling good, becoming better, and finding the best in me.
But gosh is it so hard to be consistent! It’s a real challenge. A challenge I’m willing to take on until I overcome it.
Dear Future Me, I’m not giving up on you.
Night Owl Thoughts 