Night Owl Thoughts

this guy

If I should describe how he makes me feel,
words won’t do justice to the peace he reveals

It’s not really the face, nor the voice or what not
but he gets my attention just like that.
Just don’t get me started with the way that he thinks.
He’s just so intriguing that I forget when to quit.
What’s strange to me is knowing the fact that I like him a lot
without that one pop of butterflies in my stomach
or stars in my eyes.
But instead, it’s just peace.
A calming interest that doesn’t cease.
It would definitely keep us talking for hours and hours.
Grateful I am for this friendship of ours.

What’s In Your Bag?

Do you carry your thoughts
the way you carry heavy books everyday?
Is your back hurting
from all the burden you’re hiding away?
Why don’t you unzip that bag
and say the words you want to say?
When will you drop everything
and just tell me if you’re really okay?

Rest

Sit down
Earphones out
Music on
Breathe in
Eyes closed
Breathe out
Settle down

Essential

Days like this are essential

Days spent sitting, staring
Resting
Savoring the wind
Healing
Admiring the view
Reflecting
Thinking about the future
Dreaming
Days spent doing nothing at all
Are days that let you pause from this fast-paced world

Letting you breathe, think, and choose
What truly is essential to keep

When Adventure Calls

When adventure calls, I can’t help but answer.

It’s that time of the year again where I get the chance to wander off with family, friends, or by myself. Boy have I been waiting for the school year to end so I can finally unwind guilt-free!

Tbh, even before school ended, I took the liberty to go places I’ve never been thanks to the help of some good friends and opportunities. Baguio and Tagaytay were both unforgettable trips I’ll cherish until who knows when. But I crave more.

I crave to see the magnificent views of Rizal, somewhere in Montalban
I crave to spend a moment with relatives back in Bulacan
I crave to dive the deep waters of Batangas just ’cause I can

I’m writing this knowing that my cravings will be satisfied very soon (even if my wallet disagrees) but my heart just can’t contain itself well when it comes to this.

When adventure calls, you’ll always find a way to answer. That’s just how it is.

Counting Chances

I like you

From the first time I saw you
To the second you met my eyes right there and then
From our third encounter
After my fourth subject ended, wondering how you’ve been
From the fifth notification
On the sixth time my phone buzzed, it’s been you ever since

I like you
or at least I did

If it weren’t for that unread text on the seventh of June
Or the eighth try and the ninth fail, I assumed
Or the tenth mixed signal I got from you
If it weren’t for that eleventh red flag when the clock hit the twelfth hand, I would’ve liked you still

But I’ve done the math!
And I therefore conclude that I won’t be counting chances with you again

Shiwaku

To that Japanese boy I grew up with

I hope you know how much I value each moment we spent together
Each swim
Each late night snack
Each small talk
Each stolen glances

I know you were nervous talking to me
I wouldn’t blame you, it’s been years since we uttered a sentence at each other
And I know how adolescents are
But thank you for trying your best to keep me company

You know that I’m happy about you finding your passion
The way you talked about it
I remember
How your eyes light up
And the excitement in your voice
How we both tried to keep the conversation going
You sharing a piece of your life with me
While I asked one question after another
I wasn’t joking when I told you that we’d play basketball when I got better at it but you laughed it off

I hope you won’t worry about your skin color anymore
But if you’re still insecure about it
I’ll tell you again like how I always do: it suits you well

Ken, I pray that you’d grow up to be the playful yet sweet boy that I met
Be that well-mannered type of guy who loves his family deeply
I pray that you’d mature in faith as well

Until then,
I’ll be a friend
And a sister
That’ll support you in your journey

Bring It On

When I was younger
I enjoyed being care-free
Waking up late
Playing non-stop
Basically worrying about nothing else

As I grew older
I slowly realized that life isn’t as simple as ABC
I began to notice that not everything is as easy as 123

Moments came where all I had in me was worry

But I promised myself when I was younger
That when I grow up, I won’t be a grumpy grown-up
I won’t lose the same sparkle in my eyes when thinking about the future

So despite the struggle of now
I wanna get the most out of my youth
With the right people
With a better mindset
With a faithful heart

So bring it on!

Welcome Back Anxiety

It’s been years since I last felt genuine full-force anxiety. I’m done with those days. But believe me when I say that they’d always somehow find a way to creep back up.

I felt it recently. That intense worry of not being enough. Just thinking about it now while typing this makes me so uncomfortable that I’m pressing harder on my keyboard than I’m supposed to. But as much as I hate feeling like this, I need to let it out to get things over with. ‘Cause aside from prayer, my only way to stabilize myself is to write down these thoughts.

As for the trigger, I’m not quite sure yet but I know that my frequent overthinking played a part in this. Right now, I’m drowned with assurance from God through the Bible and fellowships. Looks like He’s coming to the rescue right away. I just hope I’ll be able to help myself get through this as well.

Little Regrets

Whenever the sun sets, leaving a dark sky behind
I regret not taking that morning walk that I had in mind
When my wallet turns empty except for a dime
I regret not saving up this time

It’s a big gift for me when ideas sprout in my head
And a big regret too when I start to forget
The same goes for my many forced ‘yes’
And for the moments I didn’t try my best

But nothing beats the unsaid words
Of someone who wants to make things clear
Regrets go together with hidden feels
Every missed chance to make things real